The Registry

"A whoopee cushion. Activated by pressure. Secure. Durable. Non-stealable."

"A valve that releases the scent of freshly baked bread every morning at 7am. To remind passers-by that even in death, I rise."

"A stone with a loyalty card stamp. Visit ten times, get a free coffee. Terms and conditions apply."

"A stone with a permanently installed Etch-a-Sketch. Shake to clear. Create something beautiful."

"A monument that radiates a subtle lavender scent. Calming. Therapeutic. Slightly suspicious."

"A monument shaped like a giant cassette tape. Side A: Life. Side B: This."

"A monument that plays the opening bars of Beethoven's 5th whenever a dog barks nearby."

"A headstone with a small brass owl on top that rotates to face whoever is nearest."

"A headstone with a tiny swing set for squirrels. Weight limit 500g. Safety first."

"A headstone with a tiny zen garden on top. Rake included. Find peace. Or don't."

"A stone shaped like a giant pretzel. Because life was twisted but ultimately satisfying."

"A stone with an embedded thermometer that displays the temperature in Kelvin. Confuse everyone."

"A headstone engraved with a fictional wine label. 'Château Me. Vintage: irreplaceable.'"

"A stone that plays a gentle wind chime melody. But only on days when there is no wind."

"A stone shaped like a giant acorn. 'From small things, etc.' I didn't finish the quote."

"A stone with an embedded compass that always points to the nearest pub. Practical."

"A monument that plays a vinyl crackle sound continuously. Lo-fi resting. Beats to decompose to."

"A monument with a small slot machine. Pull the lever. Three cherries and you get a biscuit."

"A headstone that makes a satisfying 'pop' sound like a wine bottle when the temperature hits 25°C."

"A stone with a functioning tide clock. I was always drawn to the sea. The sea was indifferent."

"A headstone that glows in the dark but only if you've told it a joke first. Sensor-based."

"A stone that plays the Nokia ringtone once a day at a random time. Nostalgia as warfare."